Normality

The Road Not Taken

BY ROBERT FROST

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,

And sorry I could not travel both

And be one traveler, long I stood

And looked down one as far as I could

To where it bent in the undergrowth;

Then took the other, as just as fair,

And having perhaps the better claim,

Because it was grassy and wanted wear;

Though as for that the passing there

Had worn them really about the same,

And both that morning equally lay

In leaves no step had trodden black.

Oh, I kept the first for another day!

Yet knowing how way leads on to way,

I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh

Somewhere ages and ages hence:

Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—

I took the one less traveled by,

And that has made all the difference"

The road less traveled.... repeats in my mind. I step into the shower, my mind pounds with thoughts, thoughts that race with worries. I shampoo my hair.. "and that has made all the difference" sets into my heart calming its palpitations like a warm heated towel calms a shivering quivering child after a long cold water swim. 

            As a child I never really was "Normal" I played with bottles and made generations of Suave and Herbal Essence body wash with those same bottles in the bath for hours. While many 6 year old played with Bratz dolls and had journals with those nifty locks. There was a joy in giggling and ice cream that I knew far more than the normal 14 year old who looked for cute boys and possibilities to increase their contact lists. Funny isn't it, how life in its purest most innocent state does not even know the word "Normal" or consider the pressures that the everyone puts to be just one other individual in our big world. As I sit on my couch and let myself breathe through the last days which have brought me and consider what makes me tick. I realize that, that very pressure that I hate and despise have taken a blow to my life's perceptive. This pressure has manipulated my actions, taken captive my thoughts, and changed who God intended me to be. No i'm not "Normal"..... but what is normal anyway. Is it a mere carbon copy of the person standing next to you? because if so, by no means do I even desire such a life. So as I stand in the present and ask myself "who are you going to be?" I now know that the silly anxieties of normality and comparison to the others around me is just thief of my happiness  and hindering me to live who God made me to be. So NO, I'm not clubbing, I'm not drinking every weekend or dating every guy in my town. I would rather be at home with some tea, watching food network and easing into 8:30 pm bed time. I don't wear skanky clothes or heels the size of mount Everest. But I'm content in my trucker hat or white bow-my Roxy bathing suit-and Nike running shorts..... And finally NO I'm not in a sorority, or enrolled in the coolest College. But I am perfectly content with being a home body, loving my family, and trying to be the best aunt I can be. In closing my wish would be for you to find this peace, this freedom in knowing that normal... is ONLY the road taken over... and over... again.... with beauty that has been stolen be people who have already traveled that path. So take the one not taken, because the beauty found on that path-although occasionally thorny and uncomfortable will be the most rewarding experience you will ever ever have. 

From Ordinary to a Hero.

"A hero is no braver than an ordinary man, but he is braver five minutes longer."-Ralph Waldo Emerson

"But Gacie i'm scared".... squealed 3 year old Grant as I asked him to repeat jumping off the side of the pool wall to practice swimming back to it.

 "But my sweet Grant you keep jumping into the pool without floaties and Miss Gracie needs to teach you how to swim back to the wall. now lets go back and try again."

"NOO NOOO I'm scared i'm scared...." he cried with more passion then ever. After wrapping my arms around my little fearless water bug I asked,

"Grant what are you scared of?" to which he answered

"Gacie.... I don't know..."

Those three words hit my like a brick. For those three words are the very reason I wake up in heart palpitations and shortness of breath. the same that trigger a domino chain reaction in my heart. Those three words.... each one holds me back from so much-yet just knowing the chain that holds me, doesn't help me any more than attempting to break free, using only a tooth pick to whittle away from an iron shackle. There are moments when I sit a stoplights and panic. Wondering to myself what in the world I am doing leaving the town I grew up in and the family that raised me. Mornings when I ask myself should I really be "doing my own thing.... should I be doing what I am doing today... is there something more? I'm a missing a point. What am I scared of? dreading??.." to which my mind rattles into a tail spin with those three words... "I. don't. Know." I myself am a girl of answers. I could have told you at age 6 what the price of a "WHOLE family" going to Disneyland was, even if the price was completely incorrect. It didn't matter, because I knew EVERYTHING. Yet I do remember when soccer summer conditioning came I needed a planned, timed, detailed list of what my torch'er was going to consist of. This drove my coaches BANANAS.... "Gracie you ALWAYS do great!!" they would answer, "you DON'T have to know EVERYTHING its OK " As much as they meant to assure me, my heart would spin none the less. You see, uncharted territories in my head = imperfection. Imperfection in my mind=failure. So as I sit and reflect on this fear of the "Unknown" I realize in my head I am scared to fail. I'm scared it won't work. When I say that I shake my head, feeling very very clique. Why? well perhaps it is because I immediately picture a man in khakis and a nice white button done sipping his pellegreno in his Malibu Therapist office filled with soothing fountains, saying softly... "are you afraid to fail". But really..... its actually not that much of a clique. Because I AM afraid to fail and clique or not it is holding me back from never crossing that line from ordinary to a hero. I'll never break past the barrier of the 4 letter word.... F.E.A.R...... Grant is right it IS scary. But when I step back and notice all the places in my life where this fear of failure and unknown is effecting my life... THAT my friends is even more scary. 

"Its ok Grant, you see if you do it again I'll stand RIGHT here. IF you can't find the wall-i'll be RIGHT here and I will hold you." I attempted to reassure.

"You will?" Grant questioned

"I promise..." I said confidently

For me I see jumping off the wall as such a simple task... and to Grant, the fear of where I go to college next year could be just as laughable. But together we can know that someone above is always there to "Catch us at the wall"..... I need to overcome the "I don't knows" and know that God is waiting to see me succeed or to intercede, but failure isn't one of His options. And for Grant failure isn't even in Swim Lesson vocabulary. So my hope is to press forward, to see past the saltwater.... and become something far greater than "Ordinary".

"GACIE GACIE... LOOK I DID IT" the little 3 year old proudly proclaimed as he lifted his big blue eyes merged from the water......

Yes Grant you did, and you my dear are once step closer to being a Hero.