From Ordinary to a Hero.

"A hero is no braver than an ordinary man, but he is braver five minutes longer."-Ralph Waldo Emerson

"But Gacie i'm scared".... squealed 3 year old Grant as I asked him to repeat jumping off the side of the pool wall to practice swimming back to it.

 "But my sweet Grant you keep jumping into the pool without floaties and Miss Gracie needs to teach you how to swim back to the wall. now lets go back and try again."

"NOO NOOO I'm scared i'm scared...." he cried with more passion then ever. After wrapping my arms around my little fearless water bug I asked,

"Grant what are you scared of?" to which he answered

"Gacie.... I don't know..."

Those three words hit my like a brick. For those three words are the very reason I wake up in heart palpitations and shortness of breath. the same that trigger a domino chain reaction in my heart. Those three words.... each one holds me back from so much-yet just knowing the chain that holds me, doesn't help me any more than attempting to break free, using only a tooth pick to whittle away from an iron shackle. There are moments when I sit a stoplights and panic. Wondering to myself what in the world I am doing leaving the town I grew up in and the family that raised me. Mornings when I ask myself should I really be "doing my own thing.... should I be doing what I am doing today... is there something more? I'm a missing a point. What am I scared of? dreading??.." to which my mind rattles into a tail spin with those three words... "I. don't. Know." I myself am a girl of answers. I could have told you at age 6 what the price of a "WHOLE family" going to Disneyland was, even if the price was completely incorrect. It didn't matter, because I knew EVERYTHING. Yet I do remember when soccer summer conditioning came I needed a planned, timed, detailed list of what my torch'er was going to consist of. This drove my coaches BANANAS.... "Gracie you ALWAYS do great!!" they would answer, "you DON'T have to know EVERYTHING its OK " As much as they meant to assure me, my heart would spin none the less. You see, uncharted territories in my head = imperfection. Imperfection in my mind=failure. So as I sit and reflect on this fear of the "Unknown" I realize in my head I am scared to fail. I'm scared it won't work. When I say that I shake my head, feeling very very clique. Why? well perhaps it is because I immediately picture a man in khakis and a nice white button done sipping his pellegreno in his Malibu Therapist office filled with soothing fountains, saying softly... "are you afraid to fail". But really..... its actually not that much of a clique. Because I AM afraid to fail and clique or not it is holding me back from never crossing that line from ordinary to a hero. I'll never break past the barrier of the 4 letter word.... F.E.A.R...... Grant is right it IS scary. But when I step back and notice all the places in my life where this fear of failure and unknown is effecting my life... THAT my friends is even more scary. 

"Its ok Grant, you see if you do it again I'll stand RIGHT here. IF you can't find the wall-i'll be RIGHT here and I will hold you." I attempted to reassure.

"You will?" Grant questioned

"I promise..." I said confidently

For me I see jumping off the wall as such a simple task... and to Grant, the fear of where I go to college next year could be just as laughable. But together we can know that someone above is always there to "Catch us at the wall"..... I need to overcome the "I don't knows" and know that God is waiting to see me succeed or to intercede, but failure isn't one of His options. And for Grant failure isn't even in Swim Lesson vocabulary. So my hope is to press forward, to see past the saltwater.... and become something far greater than "Ordinary".

"GACIE GACIE... LOOK I DID IT" the little 3 year old proudly proclaimed as he lifted his big blue eyes merged from the water......

Yes Grant you did, and you my dear are once step closer to being a Hero.